Earlier this week I was drafting up a 26 week update, finishing up a hand painted whale craft, buying crib skirt material for my next nursery DIY and researching cloth diapers.

This post will be about none of those things.

J and I had our full anatomy ultrasound around 23 weeks. I told you about the anxiously awaited envelope, and the exciting gender reveal. I did not tell you that we had abnormal lateral ventricle measurements on both babies. 10 MM or under is normal, 10-12 MM is mild, and we were looking at the 13 range. Low end of moderate, but worth another look with a specialist. I’ll save you a trip to google, and let you know that mild to moderate enlarged ventricles can often mean absolutely nothing, and often have no impact on the baby. Higher levels are sometimes referred to as fluid on the brain, or hydrocephalus. Even that, while not ideal, can be dealt with. We went to the MFM specialist today cautiously optimistic. I was so sure they would tell us boring things about our normal babies that we decided not to tell family in the interest of making sure we didn’t cause panic over nothing.

And I honestly expected “nothing”.

The lateral ventricles measured around 12 MM. Which is back in the mild category. And that is no longer of concern.  But from today’s visit we learned a list of other medical terms I wish I had never heard of. I’m hesitant to list them on here lest you start trying to research them and end up with the same unresolvable headache I have. Until we know more and understand this better…I’ll just say that there were some brain abnormalities. They are identical in both boys, suggesting this may be chromosomal. It can mean a whole host of things that we do not quite understand, and are not yet sure of.

Next steps are getting back blood work that was drawn on me today, doing a fetal MRI next Tuesday, and making a decision about whether or not to do an amniocentesis.

I do not know what any of this means going forward.  Except that we are scared, confused, and worried.

For today’s blood work, God chose an angel for us.  I walked up to the busy lab desk with a pregnant belly and even more swollen eyes.  She brought me back in to a room instantly, prayed with us, and promised to pray for us going forward.  She told us of success stories, and hope.  We cried together.

All that said, we were able to see wiggling fingers, kicking feet, and the two sweetest faces you’ve ever seen. Their hearts are strong, their limbs are active, and every single ounce of them is loved with every single fiber of our being.