I had my checkup today. (I’m doing well by the way).
I crammed myself in to some non maternity jeans and made my way to the same office where J and I first went for a second opinion, and found “our team”.
There was something special about being back in the office and back with the people who helped us so much during the end of the pregnancy. The ultrasound tech who skillfully assessed that the boys did in fact have at least part of a vermis and a corpus callosum. The Doctor who first mentioned Lissencephaly to us. They held us when we cried. They celebrated with us when there were small victories. They called my boys by name.
It was a surprise to NO ONE that I cried again today.
Only today, the tears were tears of joy, because we were talking about two precious boys who are still here. Who just celebrated their one month birthday. Who might just make it home before Thanksgiving. There were also tears of gratitude, because they helped us know what was coming. As a result, we feel we were as ready as we could be…and rather than spending one minute of the boys’ lives panicking over tough news…we just love them every minute, celebrate every milestone, and support them through every valley.
My incision is healing well, but there will always be a small scar. Who knows when my stomach will look normal, or if/when the spider web of battle scars will disappear. But one thing is for certain, any hint of a physical scar will be long outlasted by the emotional and spiritual proof of these boys, this journey, and the impression they’ve made upon my heart.