Category Archives: Baby

Dear L and N: It’s Almost Time!

17 Tuesday Sep 2013

Posted by in Baby, Letters, twins

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Dear L and N,

It’s me, your mama.  I’m that heart you’ve heard beating.  That voice you’ve heard talking.  And at times, those tears you’ve heard falling.

To say your pregnancy has been an emotional one would be an understatement.  The fact we saw two pink lines so easily this time caught us a bit off guard.  And from the moment we found out there were TWO of you…our world has been spinning.  You hid from the heart monitor at 14 weeks.  At 23 weeks we found out you were both boys!  Around 26 weeks we received what seemed like impossible information; your brains hadn’t formed correctly.  And by 29 weeks, the news was even worse.

The medical community has warned us that your lives will be full of challenges, and unfairly cut short.

I have tried my hardest to wrap my head around that, but I just can’t.

No ultrasound tech yet has finished their job without mentioning at least once that one or both of you is stubborn.  And N, you surprised even the doctors by growing after signs were pointing to you starting to fail.

My vocabulary has grown to include words like Dandy Walker, Vermis, Corpus Callosum, and Lissencephaly.  But my heart has grown too.   As has my faith.

I cannot tell you for certain what this means for you.  I cannot tell you if you will ever walk.  Or eat independently.  Or utter your first word.  Or celebrate a first birthday.

I can tell you that your dad and I are here.  Waiting for you.  That we are proud of you both, and love you endlessly.  And that we will do everything in our power to help you fight, for as long as you tell us that is what you want.

I also want to promise you one important thing.  No matter the length of your lives.  Whether you are with us for hours, days, weeks, months, or years…I promise to make your time here on Earth not about death, but about life.  Not about loss, but about love.  Not about fear, but about hope.

May the Lord bless you and keep you.

May he make his face shine on you and be gracious to you.

May he turn his face toward you and give you peace.

We’ll see you soon.

Love,

Mama

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Dear K – It’s almost time!

13 Sunday Feb 2011

Posted by in Baby, Letters

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Dear K,

It’s almost time!  I’ll admit I’m a bit speechless.  I would love to have the perfect words to say to express all of the emotions coursing through me right now, but I’m not sure adequate ones exist.

Aside from feeling excitement, anticipation, nervousness, impatience, and many many other things, I somehow also feel at peace.

I’ve never looked forward to anything more than I’m looking forward to becoming your mama.  So aside from the feelings above, I also feel ready.  Not ready for seemingly endless sleepless nights.  Not ready for the fear that we’ll somehow be really bad at this.  Not ready for the intimidating fact that very soon your every need will be dependant upon us.  But ready nonetheless.  Ready to meet you.  To know you.  And to start our journey together.

My prayers for you have been plentiful.  Some are special, some are silly.  I started praying for you before I even met your daddy.  I knew someday you would be here, and I prayed that God would have a special plan for you.  I prayed for your timing once we were ready to have kids.  And once you were “real”, I’ve prayed for your health, your security, your protection, and a safe, uneventful entry in to this world.  I also pray that you’ll be a happy healthy little boy who grows up to be a successful, loving, kind hearted, Christian adult.  I’ve prayed for talents, for intelligence, for a sense of humor and good looks, (I told you some were silly!)  I even pray for your future wife.  If she’s already out there somewhere, or if she’s just a plan in her parents mind, I pray that she grows up in a loving Christian home and that you each live your lives in a way that will some day make each other proud.  Sounds a bit excessive, I know.  But I can’t help but want the best for you.

Now as I’m sitting in the hospital, listening to your heartbeat, we’ve come to the end of the pregnancy.  I will dearly miss feeling your sweet kicks, punches and rolls.  But those special moments will be replaced with seeing your smile, memorizing your face, hearing your laugh, and listening in as you find your voice.  There will be first falls, first steps, first bruises.  First friends, first loves, and first heartbreaks.  First cars, first jobs, first homes.  A whole lifetime of firsts lies ahead of you.

But for now, let’s focus on a few special ones that are in both of our near futures.  I look forward to seeing and holding you for the first time.

Not much longer now.  See you very very soon!

Love – Mama

Doctor Update

09 Wednesday Feb 2011

Posted by in Baby

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Welp…no baby yet!

At today’s checkup I was exactly where I was last week.  3 cm and 60% effaced.  Since there’s been no notable progress this week, and since I haven’t hit my due date yet, there seemed to be no reason to rush things by scheduling for tomorrow or Friday.

So now, the plan is to go back to the Doctor on Monday morning (my actual due date).  We’ll check me again, and revisit the topic of inducing for later next week.

OR…K will decide to come on his own between now and then!  Maybe that unknown factor is a little scarier for J and I, and makes it more difficult to get Nana, Papaw, Mima and Mipa in town…but that unknown excitement is half of the fun right?

In the meantime, I’ll continue to relax at home, we will have a relaxing weekend together, and we’ll get another update on Monday!

We’ve decided K just doesn’t want to come out in this cold weather.  It’s supposed to be down to zero tonight!  Can you blame him?